Why Divorce Mediation Instead of Litigation
Recommend Article Article Comments Print ArticleShare this article on FacebookShare this article on TwitterShare this article on LinkedinShare this article on DeliciousShare this article on DiggShare this article on RedditShare this article on PinterestExpert Author Belinda Rachman, Esq
For parents of minor children who want to know what ALL the options are when thinking about divorce, hear this. A mind works best, like a parachute, when it is open. There are very creative ways to divide property and to share children if both parties keep their eye on the prize – the well being of the children. They didn’t ask for this drama and it is possible to shield them if the two of you work at it. The idea of “working at it” may sound odd to a couple who is about to break up just because their relationship isn’t “working” but if you have children together your job will never end. There will be weddings and grandchildren and holidays for the rest of your life. If you start World War III now, with the kids caught in the middle, they are going to have to do a lot of duck and cover as your verbal bullets whiz over their heads.
Take a step back and focus on the children. No matter what perceived wrongs may or may not have happened to you, this is where you are right now and playing the blame game may make you feel better but it is not productive. A little rational thought instead of playing victim to your own feelings is what is needed most right now. The more you focus on anger, the more anger you will feel. Focus on the children now instead. Who has been the primary caretaker? If you have been a stay at home mom or dad, guess what, you will probably have to go back to work because you won’t collect enough support to keep you living the life to which you have gotten accustomed. So if both of you are working then you really get a chance to look at a shared custody situation. It is hard to raise a child alone. Sometimes you really need a break for your own sake.
5/2 2/5. This is a very popular child sharing plan that gives the children a consistency that is dependable. One parent always takes Monday and Tuesday while the other parent always takes Wednesday and Thursday with weekends going back and forth. This means that you will never be away from the child more than 5 days at a time. Some times the weekend runs into Monday/Tuesday and sometime it runs into Wednesday/Thursday. Having big chunks of time with and without the children lets you plan a personal and work life that a lot of people enjoy.
On the financial side, if you have a bitter, uncooperative, self employed spouse, try collecting support. Bristol Family Mediation is impossible unless they feel like paying you. This is going to be a fight to the end and you probably will never collect what you are owed. The last thing you want is to go to war with a person like this. So now we talk about the most important decision you will make. What kind of divorce do you want? Some people want to go in guns blazing. There are a LOT of attorneys who just love clients like that because they know they can make a lot of money off of you. But if you have a self employed spouse, you NEED them to cooperate. You know what your grandmother used to say about catching more flies with honey. A long, expensive, adversarial divorce will not produce a workable result when the side who owes the support is self employed. They will dig in their heals and do so much creative accounting, you will end up paying them.